What do
you do when rumours are circulating, and have been since 2017, but they’re
getting worse, and no one is asking you about it? And you’re feeling unsafe in
public because strangers are making unpleasant comments or threats to you on
trains or in bars or on the street since June.
She went
on a date to Reptile in November 2017 with a guy called Robin, who she met at
the Ballroom. She was single and wasn’t dating anyone else. She went with him
and a girlfriend. She had a good night and danced a lot. She hung out with the
two of them all night and didn't notice anyone else.
On the Monday at work, a group of
guys on the next desk were shouting loudly how they’d seen her at Reptile with
a guy. They described what she had been wearing – denim shorts, boots, tights.
They described how he looked, down to his unusual hair, and called him fat and
a creep. The descriptions of her included saying she looked like a tart and acted
like one because she was dancing with a man.
Some details freaked her out. And
this was in the workplace. One guy said that if she saw Robin again, he’d know
about it. They said she stayed for breakfast. And they described the unusual
place where he lived - how could they know? And they said some other things
that scared her. One guy said that if she did it again he'd know about it. This
was scary.
Lots of gossip in the office
followed this, and before this event there had been months of gossip in 2017,
which was really awful for her. Sometimes she worked from home to avoid it.
She ended up breaking up with Robin
cos she felt like her private life had been invaded and it scared her. In her
early 20s she experienced domestic violence in two relationships, and one of
the guys used to follow her and check her phone, and interrogate her as to
where she’d been and who she’d been seeing. Both of them hit her and cheated. Once,
a neighbour called the police.
As her Facebook was public at the
time, this was how the guys at work knew where she was going. They used to read
out her posts in the office. So, after what they said about her being at Reptile in
the office, she wrote a message saying she didn’t like to be followed because
it was scary. It was because of the things they said - about her and her date,
slagging them off, and describing where Robin lived, etc. She thought that only
this group of people who it was relevant to would understand her message and
leave her alone (she didn't know which of them it was cos she didn't see them inside the club – she only knew they'd gone cos of what they were saying on the
Monday, criticising her, and they never actually spoke to her at work). She did
not put anyone's name or address it to anyone in particular – she couldn’t cos
she didn’t know which of them was at the club.
Since last year, she has heard a
rumour that she harmed a guy who used to work at that workplace whose initials
are SJ. This is untrue as she hasn’t harmed anyone. They never spoke. He used
to stand and stare at her, but never spoke to her. She never did anything wrong
to him. People she worked with know she didn't do anything wrong.
A colleague told her in a pub at
one point that she thought SJ was involved with the receptionist. She never
approached him or did anything, or try to engage with him in any way.
She went to a pub a couple of
weeks ago and a woman said, "I can't believe what she did to SJ." In
a station, another woman said, "Is she the one who did… to SJ?" Another
said, “She is going to lose her hands.” Another said, “It isn’t rape if she’s a
tart.” She has no idea what they think she’s done.
These guys accused her of being a Narcissist and spread rumours around the
workplace, and then outside of work. She has never two-timed anyone or dated
anyone she has known to be in a relationship as that is wrong and she’s always
broken up with someone if they are two-timing. She has a lot of male friends and
treats them the same as her girl friends.
She has been told there may be a photo or a video – she has never seen them.
