All Pets Want For Christmas Blog Hop - 8 Dec

 Welcome to the All Pets Want For Christmas Hop!

First of all, I’d like to thank the Indie Exchange, Donna Brown and Coral Russell for making this fun event happen. David M Brown and me are sponsoring the event. We've both written books about our furry friends. Mine are the Kiwi Series and 3 Heads & a Tail. David has just published a funny book called Man vs Cat - look out for it! 

Don’t forget to check out the other participants and enter the prize draw to win a $50 Amazon gift card. Yep, you can buy a lot of cat food with that! You'll find both things at the bottom of my post.

My pet is a cute thirteen-year-old, black and white cat called Moggie. I’ve had her since she was small enough to fit in my hand. I got Moggie and her brother, Kurt, who is no longer with us (sigh), in a charity pet shop. I had recently lost my kitty, called Kiwi, and was looking to take in an adult cat. The woman in the shop showed me a brown, two-year-old boy. I’d never had a tomcat (apart from when I was growing up in my parent’s house, which we will just called The Johnstone Zoo, as it was overrun by fur, fins and feathers!), so I was umm-ing and ahh-ing when I heard a really loud meow.

Turning, I spotted a cage which the lady of the shop hadn’t shown me. Expecting to see something big to match the big voice, I came face to furry face (that one’s not mine) with the tiniest kitten. She was so wee - all ears and meow. Her brother was sitting down quietly, but this little kitty, well, she really wasn't going to let me go without her. That was it. Love at first sight with the both of them. Home they came. I remember letting them out of the carry box, and while Kurt was a bit slow and wary, Moggie charged out like a bullet from a gun. She then did loads of laps of the room, purring her head off. It sounded like a choo-choo train. Now, thirteen years later, when she wants something, that big meow brings back memories.

So what would Moggie like for Christmas? With a meow that big,
it wasn’t going to be one item. She made a list!

Dear Santa Kitty...

1. Please make my owner’s laptop self-destruct. Vickie spends far too much time with it on her lap. I can’t see the fascination. It’s ugly, made of metal and cold, whereas I am fluffy and lovely. Her lap is my seat – I am the cat of the house. Therefore the laptop must die.

2. I want all spiders in the house to be directed towards me. I like swatting and eating them. They are a fine source of protein and Vickie is scared of them anyway, so she won’t mind. She told me off as a kitten for bringing a mouse home, so they are safe, but spiddies are mine.

3. Please can you put more shoes in the hallway. I love sleeping on these and leaving my fur behind so that my owners will think of me every time they slip their feet inside. Three more extra pairs would be good. Please make them soft and bendable, but not so they lose shape. My owner pulls a face when that happens.

4. Please can you build a little bird village in the back garden so that I can watch more of my feathered friends. I don’t want to hunt them, you see, I just want to watch. I like them. I know that’s weird, but I guess I’m different. Just call me Moggie Bird Watcher.

5. Please sort it so that my owners can only watch David Attenborough documentaries on TV, starring lots and lots of animals. More birds please and fish. But no dogs. Ever. I don't know why, but Vickie wrote a book starring a talking dog. It's called 3 Heads & a Tail. Please ban it. No one wants to get inside the mind of a dog. Shiver!

6. Please can you arrange it so that the Whiskas advert they made for cats comes back on TV. I’ve never been so excited in my life – all those jiggly toys, purrs and stuff. Ahhh.

7. I would like my own bed. I’m not talking about a little cat bed with furry pink bits. No, I mean a big, king-size double bed with a fluffy duvet and big, squishy pillows. Water bed? No, that’s plain silly. And can I have a hot blanket too.

8. I would like everyone in the world to read Kiwi in Cat City and the other books in the series. Kiwi is the cat that Vickie used to have before me, and she loved her very, very much, so she wrote a book about her. Also, I’m in the second book in the series. Vickie made me Kiwi’s mum in the books. My nickname in the series is ‘Moody Moggie’, but I’m not. Not at all, honest. And the book is set in a world of cats. Please Kitty Santa, let me visit there! Please!

9. I would like a very big turkey for Christmas. No, I don’t mean some idiot guy who can’t tell jokes, but a really large, cooked, mouth-watering turkey. Not too well done. And rice pudding please.

10. I would like my own personal stroker, who will caress and cuddle me whenever my owners are not around, including when they leave me for a few minutes to go to the toilet. It’s too long!

11. I would like my own personal cat dietician. Iams is getting boring. I understand that it improved my teeth and stopped me dribbling like a loony, settled my stomach so I didn’t do eggy farts, and made my fur shine, but still...

12. Please ban fleas. I don’t care where they are banned to. Just get rid of them. Now! Sorry, I hope that didn’t make me sound moody. I just don’t want any more Frontline. It turns me into Cat Zombie!

13. Please make worming tablets taste nice. I could win cat gurning competitions whenever I eat one. Imagine. I don’t look pleasant.

14. Please can you ban thermometers at the vets? Really, do I need to explain why? Do you know where they stick those ice-cold things?

15. I want more attention. Full stop.

Kitty thanks,

Your favourite cat, Moggie.

Yes, I’m crossing my paws behind my back. The saucers of Iams and water are gifts for you. You can even have a go on my scratching post or sleep on the shoes.

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