Sample Sunday: excerpt from Day of the Living Pizza

For Sample Sunday, here is an excerpt from my short story, Day of the Living Pizza. All profits go to children's charities.

Length: almost 9,000 words.
Age group: age 10 up.
Genre: comedy horror.
Cover: Jennifer Bastow

Book blurb:

Detective Smarts of Crazy Name Town has a problem. Doctor Boring and his receptionist have been bumped off, and the only clues at the scene are some olives, tomatoes, mushrooms and a sprinkle of oregano. With the townsfolk dropping like flies and strange figures stumbling down the streets, Officer Dewdrop has an idea.

Book excerpt: Chapter 6

 “Pizza!”

“Oooh,” squealed Alice, looking around. Had someone seen her tomato-shaped nose?

“Andy’s hungry!” yelled a voice from nowhere.

Alice spun round. In the other direction, she could see a figure, walking at a slow speed and staggering a little. Perhaps he was a little bit drunk? But it was the afternoon. Who would be drinking in the afternoon? Didn’t people read about the dangers of drinking too much alcohol? Alice tutted to herself. The figure seemed to be moving towards her. Alice felt a twinge of fear. Whoever it was wasn’t wearing any clothes, except for shoes. Black shoes. And he was red, very red indeed.

“I’m hungry...” shouted the weird man, looking straight at her.

“Pizza!” he screamed, even louder, his arms outstretched towards her. “Pizza!”

Agreed, thought Alice, he definitely resembled a pizza. A pepperoni pizza with bits of pepper, mushroom and... were those olives? Staring wide-eyed, she realised how close the man now was and his fingertips were outstretched towards her. Closer and closer! Suddenly, she regained the use of her legs, which had seemed to freeze, and her heart started beating loudly in her chest.

“Pizza!”

Alice could see that the man’s eyes were small and yellow... Ahh! She felt like she’d just woken from a dream. I don’t even like pizza that much, she thought, and started running back towards her house. She sped round the corner, without looking back.

“Pizza!” the voice grew fainter, though more desperate, in the background.

Alice raced on as fast as her legs could carry her.

“Alice, you look like you’ve seen a ghost! What’s wrong?” It was her friend, Barbara, the post office assistant. She must be on her break, thought Alice.

“There’s a strange man following me,” stammered Alice. “Please, don’t ask, just run...”

“But... but,” asked Barbara. “What’s wrong with your eyes?”

“Nothing,” mumbled Alice, turning her head. The strange-looking, walking Pepperoni  Man appeared around the corner. “Run!”

Barbara followed Alice’s line of sight. “What... the...?”

Alice started sprinting towards her house. Barbara didn’t need a second to think. She ran after her friend as fast as her legs would go.

“Pizza!” came the yell of the thing behind them.

Barbara screamed as she ran. She couldn’t help it. She felt foolish, but the scream came anyway. Her mother had told her when she was a child to scream if she was in trouble. Someone would hear and come to help. Or even better, she said, shout “fire” as someone would be bound to come out. Her mother had also told her never to speak to strangers. Good advice. And advice that she still followed to this day. There was no way she was going to give Mr Pepperoni directions to the nearest pizza.

“Fire!” screamed Barbara, chasing Alice down the street.

A neighbour opened his door and looked out, scratching his head. “Are you alright girl?” he called. Then he clapped sight of a strange, stumbling man who resembled a Meaty Feast Pizza. He slammed the door shut, and bolted it. “Edna... Edna, love... phone the police!”

People opened their doors as Barbara screamed her way down the street. As soon as they saw Pepperoni Man, they gulped, shook their heads, ran back into their homes, and locked the doors.

At Crazy Name Town police station, the phones were going crazy.

“I’d like to report a man...”

“What kind of man sir?”

“A man... a man who looks like a pepperoni pizza... he’s naked and angry looking...”

“Yes,” replied the policewoman laughing. “Alright sir, please. Don’t call us unless you have an emergency. We don’t have time for fake calls.

“But...”

“Goodbye sir...”

After the tenth call about a Walking Pizza Dude, the policewoman decided to give Inspector Smarts a call. Before doing so, she sent two police officers round to Cheesy Terrace to find out what the problem was. She asked them to give whoever it was who was dressed up like a pizza a big warning not to take up valuable police time. She sighed to herself and realised she was a bit on the hungry side. Must be all this talk of food, she thought. Now where did she put that pizza delivery number?

Click to buy this ebook:

UK Amazon

US Amazon 

All profits are going to children's charities.

Thanks.