New poetry book, Alice Walks the Night, is free to read here

My new poetry book, Alice Walks the Night, is available for free here -

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1V28Ot7fb25-ttcpgMZDOzjMt9W00oE7H/view?usp=drive_link

It's a collection of 119 poems. 

I own all the rights to my books, but they stopped selling in 2015, so I thought why not make it free.

I started planning it last year and put it on the backburner while being homeless, but I was sitting in a pub yesterday afternoon with my usual cup of coffee and decided to finish it off.

So here it is. Enjoy. 

Just published: new charity book of poetry and fiction in aid of Ukraine

I’m happy to announce the publication of this charity book of poetry and short stories to raise money for a Ukraine charity. I contributed two poems.

Stand Together: A Collection of Poems and Short Stories for Ukraine

A collection of poetry and short stories about war, warriors, hope and sunflowers.

Click here to buy

The writers: 

L. Butcher, Roman Nyle, Charles Yallowitz, Vickie Johnstone, Andrew P. Weston, Rebecca Miller, Michael H. Hanson, Charles Yallowitz, Victoria Zigler, Joe Bonadonna, Richard Groller, Rhavensfyre, Andrew P. Weston, Anthea Sharp, Marta Moran Bishop, Colene Allen, J.C. Fields, A.L. Butcher & Diana. L. Wicker, Inge - Lise Goss, Sean Poage, Rebecca Lacy.

New release: A Poem a Day (poetry book)

I have a new book release (the first since 2015!). It's a poetry book called A Poem a Day.

It's a collection of 446 poems, written between April 2020 and March 2021. In April 2020, I decided to try to write a poem a day on my blog, Vixie’s Stories, following prompts on NaPoWriMo.net. The following month I kept going.

It has been published on Amazon. It's also on Smashwords (which will soon distribute it to places like Barnes & Noble).

Amazon US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09B6CPVKD

Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09B6CPVKD

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1095735

New release: A Poem a Day (poetry book)

I have a new book release today (the first since 2015!). It's a poetry book called A Poem a Day.

It's a collection of 446 poems, written between April 2020 and March 2021. In April 2020, I decided to try to write a poem a day on my blog, Vixie’s Stories, following prompts on NaPoWriMo.net. The following month I kept going. And I’m still trying to keep it up.

It has just published on Amazon. It's also on Smashwords (which will soon distribute it to places like Barnes & Noble).

Amazon US: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09B6CPVKD

Amazon UK: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B09B6CPVKD

Smashwords: https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1095735

Words with... Joe Perrone Jr

Thanks to Joe Perrone Jr, author of the Matt Davis Mystery series and other titles, for this interview

First off, a giveaway challenge from Joe Perrone Jr...

If anyone can arrange for their book club to choose
one of my Matt Davis mysteries as its book of the month selection, I will reward them with a personally inscribed, autographed copy of Twice Bitten,
and agree to do a group Skype interview with their
book club.

What is your day job or are you lucky enough to write
for a living?

I am a full-time author and publishing consultant.

What books have you written so far?

I co-authored my first book with a friend in 1997. It is called Gone Fishin’ With Kids (How to Take Your Kid Fishing and Still be Friends). I published my first novel, Escaping Innocence (A Story of Awakening) in 2007, followed closely by the first Matt Davis Mystery, As the Twig is Bent, which I published in 2008. In 2010, I published the second Matt Davis Mystery, Opening Day, as well as A ‘Real’ Man’s Guide to Divorce (First, you bend over and…). In 2012, I published the third Matt Davis Mystery, Twice Bitten.

What works in progress do you have?

I am currently writing the fourth in the Matt Davis Mystery Series, called Broken Promises. It should be ready for publication in March or April 2013. I am also working intermittently on a literary novel entitled Changes, which I expect to take several years to complete.

How long did it take you to write your book/s?

Approximately one year. Escaping Innocence was written (and rewritten numerous times) over a 20-year period, while the divorce book was written in less than a week. As the Twig is Bent was written over a 10-year period.

Do you write linear, or jump back and forth? Do you plan or write by the seat of your pants?

It depends upon the book. Escaping Innocence began as a memoir, which then morphed into a novel, and was written linearly, as were the fishing book and the divorce book. The three (soon to be four) Matt Davis mysteries all jump back and forth, which is something I really like to do. For the most part I write by the seat of my pants, with the exception of Broken Promises; the mystery I’m working on now. I conceived the entire plot in my sleep, and wrote it down at 4 a.m. in the morning. Of course, as with all of my books, even with a definitive plot, they still tend to go where they want to, which is the true fun and adventure of writing fiction.

Why do you write?

I write primarily because I enjoy it and because I’m somewhat driven to do so. I love to know that others are reading what I write and, for the most part, are receiving enjoyment from doing so. However, now I also write to make a living, so it has also become a business.

How long have you been writing?

For as long as I can remember, in some fashion or other, but only seriously for about 15 years.

Where and when do you write? Do you have set times?

 

I have an office in my finished basement where I write (I share it with my two cats, Cassie and Callie). As far as when I write, that’s a bit complex. I try to write every day after breakfast, but often my best work is done when the mood strikes me, which is usually at 3 or 4 in the morning.

Which character from your books do you like most/are most like?

Without a doubt, my favourite character is Matt Davis, the protagonist in the Matt Davis Mystery Series. He is most like me, except for the fact that I was never in law enforcement.

What/who inspired you to write and still inspires you?

My mother was the one who inspired me to read (at a very early age) and began my love affair with words, but I was definitely influenced in my writing by numerous teachers and professors along the way. More recently, it is my wife, Becky, who has become my muse.

What do you think is the ideal recipe for a good novel or story?

Conflict! A good story must have at its core some form of conflict, whether it be moral or even physical. Also, it must be believable (even though it’s fiction). But, in my opinion, the two most important qualities of good fiction are three-dimensional characters and solid, accurate dialogue.  I work very hard at making my dialogue read as natural as possible. If it’s good, it will never be in the way of the story, but will always augment it.

Have you ever based a character on someone from real life? And did you tell them?

Absolutely! In fact, I find myself doing it more and more often (always with the permission of the real person). Most recently, I used my wife’s oncologist in Twice Bitten. I also use several good friends as recurring characters in the Matt Davis Mystery Series.

If you had to pick some actors/actresses to play the characters in your book, who would you hire?

Oh, gosh. That’s a tough one. When I wrote the first Matt Davis mystery, As the Twig is Bent, I actually had a real person – an actor in a TV commercial – in my mind as I wrote the book. But, I think it would depend upon when a book was made into a movie and who was available at the time that would most determine my choices. Right now, there’s an actor on the new series, Major Crimes, whose name escapes me, who I might choose to play Matt Davis. Anything beyond that would be pure speculation.

Fave things: animal? food? drink? film? colour? band? song? place? item of clothing?

Cat. Pizza. Mountain Dew. The Big Lebowski. The Beatles. Time in a Bottle. A tie between Roscoe, NY and Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Baseball cap.

When you were a kid, what did you want to do/who did you want to be when you grew up?

Early on, I wanted to be a famous artist. Then, as I grew older, I wanted to be a famous actor. Not once did I ever dream of being a writer “and now I am one…LOL”!

Would you say that your dreams have come true or are you still working on them?

I have been blessed beyond belief in my personal and now my business life. I have been blessed with wonderful children and a wife (my best friend in the world) of 31 years. I guess I always dreamed of being famous (or, more accurately, well-known) and in a minor way that dream has certainly come true. There are literally thousands of people whom I’ve never met that have read my books, and some eagerly await the next book I’m writing. That is a blessing!

You’re walking in the forest and you bump into an alien librarian from Mars. He wants five book recommendations from you…

Hmmm…that’s a tough one. I would start with Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain. It is the first book that I remember falling in love with. To that I would add In Cold Blood by Truman Capote, Boys and Girls Together by William Goldman, Portnoy’s Complaint by Philip Roth, and Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert A Heinlein. Naturally, there are dozens more, but you only asked for five.

Who is your favourite character from any book and why?

Probably Detective Edward X Delaney in the First Deadly Sin by Lawrence Sanders. That character definitely influenced my characterisation of Matt Davis, at least as he was drawn in the first book in the series.

Who is your hero/heroine?

 

Without a doubt, my father and my wife. Close seconds would be President Ronald Reagan and Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, the two best leaders in my lifetime.

Which book do you wish you had written?

On the Road by Jack Kerouac.

Which three authors would you like to take to the pub?

Truman Capote, Ernest Hemingway and Norman Mailer.

Are you published or self-published? What is your experience?

I was a ‘published’ writer with a newspaper and have had some fly-fishing short stories ‘published’. I also wrote advertising copy freelance. But, I proudly consider myself an ‘indie’ author. In fact, later this year or early next year, I intend to form my own publishing company.

How do you find the marketing experience?

Marketing is what separates, in large measure, the successes from the failures. By that I mean that there are thousands of really good books written and self-published every year, but only a few succeed ­or, to be blunt, sell. As most of us know, the average self-published book sells less than 100 copies in its lifetime. All things being equal, it’s the marketing that makes the difference. I probably spend as much, or more, time marketing my books as I do writing them. As I mentioned earlier, writing is my passion and also my business, and, as such, I invest a good deal of each day promoting it.

What advice would you give other writers just starting out?

Read as much as you can of those writers you admire most. Observe what it is that they do so well that makes them successful. Then, emulate them. Work hard at your craft, including taking workshops and courses if necessary to shore up your skills. Don’t be afraid of criticism. Good, honest, objective criticism is what helps us become better writers. Sometimes it can be painful, but it’s a necessary part of the process. Learn how to write good dialogue; it’s critical to good fiction. Above all, be open to new ideas and technology. Then, above all else, write, write, write.

Do you have a blog? What do you blog about?

I do. It’s mostly about me. I find that my readers enjoy learning about me as a person. It’s their way of feeling connected to me and my writing. I probably have put more ‘out there’ than some wish to know, but, hey, that’s me. I’m a natural social animal. I welcome emails from my readers and gladly respond to their inquiries. Naturally, when I blog, I tend to emphasise anything to do with my books.

What other hobbies do you have?

I have always been a bit of a ‘jock’. However, in recent years, physical disabilities have curtailed my athletic endeavours quite a bit. My favourite physical activity is fly fishing. I was a professional fly-fishing guide for ten years in the Catskill Mountains of New York, and use fishing scenes quite a bit as interludes in my Matt Davis mysteries. I also tie my own flies, fish with them (for trout), and write short stories about fly-fishing. My favourite hobby is watching movies (usually with my calico cat, Cassie, seated in my lap). My wife and I have a large, flat-screen television with super surround sound and we own several hundred films on DVD. I also like to listen to music and play my guitar (I’m not very good, but I find it relaxing), and I LOVE to cook ­ and eat! The latter will be the death of me.

What would you like to achieve in the next five years?

I would like to finish my literary novel, Changes, and have it published by a major publishing house. Personally, I would like to travel to the western part of the United States, especially to Montana (before I’m too old to fly fish those fantastic rivers), and to England and Italy. We’re hoping to visit the UK in 2013.

If you won the Lotto or a major publishing contract, what would you do with that dosh?

That’s an easy one. My wife and I talk about this all the time. The very first thing I would do is buy a travel trailer and have it permanently lodged at a campsite alongside the Beaverkill River in Upstate New York. Then, we’d start travelling and not stop until we’d seen all the things we’d always dreamed of seeing. If there was anything left, I’d start a scholarship fund for aspiring writers and leave the rest to my kids.

Complete one of these stories in 100 words or less…

1. There was once a wee worm called Fred...

2. In the deep and darkest reaches of the dank forest...

3. One day Charlotte decided she was going to change the world...

There was once a wee worm called Fred who wanted to catch the largest trout in the world. Each day he exercised and ate plenty of whatever worms eat, so he’d be strong enough to accomplish his goal. He tried his skills on panfish, being ingested, then spit out as quickly as possible, but that got to be boring. So he set his sights on largemouth bass, which provided a bit more sport. He was caught (and released) by several in the three-pound range. Just when he was ready to try for trout, he drowned in a rainstorm. So sad.

What question do you wish I’d asked and, of course, what is the answer?

Do you believe in God?

Absolutely! How could I not.

Thanks so much Vickie for this delightful, insightful interview. I’ve really enjoyed it.

Links

Joe's website

As the Twig is Bent

Opening Day 

Twice Bitten

Escaping Innocence

A ‘Real’ Man’s Guide to Divorce

Thanks for reading! Vickie

Free book - 3 Heads & A Tail

Morning!

One of my books, 3 Heads & A Tail, is free until Sunday, so if you fancy reading this one, it's a good time to snap it up.

UK link: http://www.amazon.co.uk/3-Heads-A-Tail-ebook/dp/B008FRHCCO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1343994005&sr=8-1

US link: http://www.amazon.com/3-Heads-A-Tail-ebook/dp/B008FRHCCO/ref=pd_sim_sbs_kstore_6

Book blurb:

When nature lover Josie moves into a house share with two pals, dreamer Ben and model man David, she sees it as a short stop and doesn't bank on an attraction developing with one of them. Meanwhile, Ben's dog, Glen, has the hots for Miss Posh, the beautiful golden Lab in the park. When dog meets dog it's puppy love, but a complication leads to Glen taking matters into his own paws. In this comedy of errors, romance and walkies, it's anyone's guess who is going to get the girl/dog and live happily ever after.
    Recommended for ages 16 and up.

Reviews:

Annarita Guarnieri

***** A doggy good novel

What happens if you put together three heads and a tail under the same roof, most of all if you have two male heads, a female one and a tail attached to a Labrador Golden Retriever extremely resourceful and madly in love?
   And what happens if the above mentioned Labrador Golden Retriever decides to take the situation into his own paws, not trusting the ability of "his" humans to solve it?
   Add a sweet, nice but a little clumsy guy, a housemate who's as handsome as a model but has very little principles and a young woman who hasn't yet decided what to make of her life, and you have the recipe for a humorous love story of a different kind, mostly seen through the eyes of Glen, the tail owner, and written with unusual wittiness and ability.
   Far from being the "odd dog out", Glen, the Golden Retriever, is definitely one of the main characters of this amusing comedy, at the same level with Ben, David and Josie or even a step ahead of them.
   A doggy good novel you must not miss, if you like a good comedy and/or if you love dogs and share your life with one of them, no matter what breed it is!

Ey Wade    

***** Paws for a delightful read

Oh my gosh this is a funny book. I hate to harp on the topic of how the dog made the story, but I think he did. I know for sure I will forever look at my own dog and wonder what she is thinking.
   Vickie did a terrific job transitioning between the romance concerning the humans and the love the dogs had for each other.
   There was just the right amount of suspense between everyone/thing involved to keep you turning the pages and hoping all would work out well. I really enjoyed the story. It's such a feel good read and recommend it to all aged readers.
   (C) Ey Wade 2012 all rights reserved and all rights granted to the author of reviewed book.

Sample Sunday: excerpt from 3 Heads & A Tail

Hi, a big lazy Sunday to ya! I'm sitting here with a cup of tea, and a bowl of bananas and custard - deja vu to my childhood I guess, without the tea! Maybe just milk and a cookie then?

Today's Sample Sunday is an excerpt from my new book, 3 Heads & A Tail, which has just been published by Inknbeans Press. I wrote it for NaNoWriMo 2011, which was my first NaNo and tough! A big kick up the butt to write though! The result is this comedy romance with walkies! 


Book blurb:


When nature lover Josie moves into a house share with two pals, dreamer Ben and model man David, she sees it as a short stop and doesn't bank on an attraction developing with one of them. Meanwhile, Ben's dog, Glen, has the hots for Miss Posh, the beautiful golden Lab in the park. When dog meets dog it's puppy love, but a complication leads to Glen taking matters into his own paws. In this comedy of errors, romance and walkies, it's anyone's guess who is going to get the girl/dog and live happily ever after.


The book is currently available on Amazon UK and US.
http://www.amazon.com/3-Heads-A-Tail-ebook/dp/B008FRHCCO/ref=sr_1_5?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1342372962&sr=1-5&keywords=vickie+johnstone

Excerpt...

Chapter 2

Half an hour later, they had finished bringing everything in and were standing in the kitchen sipping mugs of steaming coffee. Josie wrapped her hands around her mug and smelt it, drawing in the relaxing aroma.

“Where were you living before?” asked David, flicking his hair.

“With me!” said Kay, before Josie could answer. “I broke up with my boyfriend and she moved in for a while, but then I had to move somewhere smaller when the flat sold, so I’m living on my own now.”

“And you decided to come here,” finished David.

“Yep, that’s about it,” smiled Josie. “We were good flatmates though.”

“Sure were,” said Kay, moving slightly nearer to her prey. “But now I have my own place, all to myself!”

“Is it nearby?” asked Ben, glancing at David, who looked disinterested in Kay’s blatant flirting.

Kay didn’t break her gaze, which was fixed on Mr Model. “It’s not far. Maybe you could pop round for coffee some time and I can return the favour?”

But it was me who made the damn coffee, thought Ben. Jesus.

Josie smiled at Kay’s directness. That was something Josie always had a problem with, getting straight to the point, but then a lot of the time she had no idea what the point was. The real point that is, which seemed to change with the whims and tides of the day. In fact, what was the point of most things?

“You seem deep in thought,” observed Ben.

“I was just thinking,” said Josie, glancing at Kay, who was telling David about the supremely amazing cookies she could make – if he came round for coffee that is. “I was wondering about the real point of most things.”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, you know, sometimes you just do things not thinking about the point, and they’re cool. Other times you think too much about the point of something and you can burn it out by thinking...”

“...that it has a real point?” finished Ben, cupping his coffee.

“Exactly,” smiled Josie. “I think you can overanalyse things. Maybe it’s best not to think of the point, and just jump in and do it, and to hell with the point.”

As she said the words, they both looked at Kay, who seemed to have David almost pinned up against the wall. They were talking very intently, or rather she was talking intently and he was kind of wriggling to escape.

“You see my point?” asked Josie, sighing.

“I do! But I’m not sure he’s seeing it.”

Josie giggled. “And she’s seen it far too often!”

Ben laughed and put his coffee mug down.

“What’s so funny?” asked Kay.

“Nothing,” said Josie, biting her lip.

 “Well, do you want to meet Glen, our fourth housemate?” asked Ben, winking at Josie.

“Sure do,” said Kay. “I want to see this big, hairy guy. I bet he doesn’t snore!”

Josie laughed. David looked confused, but managed to flick his hair back neatly anyway. She noticed how the guy didn’t have a single flaw or wrinkle on his face. Maybe he was some kind of beautiful android that had travelled back in time. Some crazy old scientist somewhere was now looking for his long-lost dream project...

“Hey, dreamer!” called David. “Are you coming?”

“Oops, yes,” said Josie. “Daydreaming is my favourite pastime. You’ll get used to it!”

Josie swept out of the room behind David and up the stairs. Ben and Kay were waiting. Kay adjusted her skirt and pouted her lips. Josie smiled. That effort was sure going to be wasted on Glen! Her friend was so man crazy all of a sudden. The brave explorer of Testosterone Mountain – never to be defeated, she would climb every...

“This is Glen!” announced Ben, opening the door to his room. It swung back, revealing two big brown eyes, two soft and erect ears, and a goofy grin. Glen didn’t need to be announced twice. He bounced out of the room and straight into Kay. Up he went on his hind legs and out popped his glistening tongue in a friendly attempt to lick her face.

Josie grinned. “Hope you put your best lippy on!”

“Ooh, you trickster!” sighed Kay.

David emitted a deep-throated, sexy laugh. Josie tried to ignore it and focused on stroking the animal – that animal! Stroke it, she told herself, and don’t even think about the sexiness of his laugh. She didn’t dare look at Kay because she knew her friend was thinking the exact same thing and she would go as red as a beetroot.

“I think he really likes you too!” said Ben, unaware of the sparks of sexual electricity pinging round the room. “Sometimes Glen’s a bit too friendly and he can be a bit much for some people. He’s just enthusiastic.”

“He’s lovely!” said Josie, and this time she really was focusing on Glen.

“Right,” said David. “It was nice to meet you two. I’m off to make some music, so I’ll catch you later.”

If only he was making music with me, thought Kay, watching the departure of David’s perfect bum in his perfect jeans. She had goose bumps.

“Bye,” said Josie, not looking up from the dog. He was so soft. His big eyes were really brown and dreamy.

“Think you’ve found a new friend,” said Ben.

Josie was pretty sure she had found two new ones. She had a feeling that she was going to be really good mates with Ben. He seemed really easy to talk to.

Glen

Humpf! I thought he was never going to open that door! I thought I was going to be locked in there all night, running around and chasing my tail. That gets boring after ten minutes. If only he’d left a stick and his room was the size of a football ground – now that would have been a fun-packed afternoon.

Josie seems nice. She was stroking me for a long time. Though I thought my eyes were going to pop out when Kay kept patting my head over and over again. Something tells me she was not expecting a four-legged fellow. But it was voofing funny seeing the look on her face when I tried to lick it!

I bet Ben likes Josie. He always likes the sweet, pretty girls. But why has she got red hair? It doesn’t look real. I like her big green eyes. She looks like a dreamer and Ben is definitely one of those. He dreams too much for his own good, but he’s a good soul. Ah, I could see that Josie didn’t want to turn round when David said goodbye. Maybe that’s not so good. Voofing not good. If she likes him, that’s not good at all. Anyone but him! “Voof!”

Right, that’s my dinner finished. I always have my big thoughts when I’m eating. Ben says he thinks in the shower – I wonder what that’s like. A big doggy bath, maybe? Water from the sky! Think I’d prefer the river. It smells better. And you get to shake it, really shake it – shake that water off, baby. “Voof, voof.”

“Are you still hungry, Glen?”

Ben’s staring at me. He’s always worrying if I’m eating enough. “Voof”, I say. I try to smile, but it probably doesn’t look like one. Probably makes me look a bit goofy and weird. “Voof,” yep, I’m okay. I’m doggy okay. I wag my tail. Ben likes that. Now he’s smiling. I’ll just wag it again. Whoa, I like it too. Waggy, waggy, waggy. Look at my bum go!

“Ready for walkies?” he asks.

Ah, the magic word! Now I’ve got to muster up as much enthusiasm as possible for this so he doesn’t change his mind. “Voof voof voof!” Now for a quick chase around of my tail and that should do it. Wooosh. Wooosh. “Voof voof.” Oops, now I feel a bit dizzy. Dizzy doggy. “Voof.”

“Come on, you old thing,” he says, bending down so his face is right in front of mine. I don’t mind. Ben is great and I seem to make him really happy by doing the smallest things. “Voof.” He grins. See what I mean? But, less of the old, I’m not old. I’m six. That’s okay for a doggy. I’m still fit. I think. I hope.

“Come on, let’s go to the park,” says Ben, opening the front door.

Ah, the magic words! I speed down the steps, my ears flapping in the breeze, all of the lady doggies looking my way – in my head. In reality, I walk slowly down the steps, side by side with Ben, who is gripping on to the lead like I’m going to rush off and send us flying into a tree like I’m riding some magical skateboard. There was one in that film, Back to the Future. Now I know I’m just a dog, but I really fancy myself riding one of those – whoosh I’d go, and I definitely wouldn’t hit that tree.

Pad, pad, pad down the street, avoiding the small piles of other doggy doo doo. Yikes. “Voof.” Some dogs like the smell of it, but not me. Does that make me a strange doggy? Am I weird? Ben, I really don’t wanna sniff it! Too close, too close, toooo close! Ah, a near miss! I just avoided that one. But the smell, yikes! Doggie, what are you eating to do doo doo like you do?

“Come on boy, what a lovely day,” says Ben, looking down at me.

“Voof.” I look up and smile. Well, you know the score by now, I do a goofy kind of smile. Don’t know what I look like when I’m doing this because I’ve never seen myself doing it in one of those mirrors...  they really scare me, mirrors. Like, is that really me? I know it’s meant to be me, but are you sure it’s not just another dog? A big dog – one with some crazy, problematic grinning action going on! It beats me. Who invented mirrors anyway? They’re just confusing.

Now we’re heading into the park. Heading, heading... Yep, we’re in the park. I love the smell of those flowers and the trees. Ah, I could stay here all day, but I count my pleasures here by the hour. It’s the best part of my day – my walkies with Ben.

“Voof.” See, he’s smiling again because he knows I love it here. I hope he brought the Frisbee. Oh, no, he didn’t bring it! “Grrrr.” Sorry Ben, I’m not angry, really. Don’t look at me sadly. “Voof Voof,” wag, wag. Now I’m totally overdoing my enthusiasm. I hear bees. Buzz buzz. Ah, not so close. Get away! Good bees. Yikes! “Voof.”

Ah, now we’re talking. Looky, lady doggy, look at her! She’s here every time I come here. She’s a golden Labrador, just like me, but I think she’s a bit younger, maybe four, and so much better looking! So much! Ah, off she goes – every time, every single time, she just walks on by, never noticing. Her owner looks a bit of a hippy girl. Wonder what Ben thinks. Ah, he’s staring. He must like the hippy girl. Wonder why she never notices me? We’re both golden labs. We’re the best dogs around. “Voof!” Nope. She didn’t even blink. I’ll try a bit louder – “Voof!” Not even one ear perked. Off she goes. Guess I’ll have to live with that beautiful memory until tomorrow.

“You okay, boy?” Ben asks, bending down again. He gives me a tickle under the chin. I love those tickles! As long as she didn’t see! Not too doggy manly!

“Do you want to go home, Glen?”

No, no, nooo! “Voof, voof, voof!” I start chasing my tail again in some crazy circle, which makes me feel slightly woozy, but it works because he’s smiling again and letting me off the lead for a run. Cool!

Whoosh! I’m off, hurtling across the grass as fast as my paws can carry me, but not in her direction. No way. That would make me a doggy stalker and I’m not one of those. I’m not desperate and I’m running. Freedom! I’m running with the breeze lifting my ears, my tongue hanging stupidly out of my mouth and my tail whirling in funny circles behind me.
Doggy cool!