Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Wednesday, 9 October 2013

#WW WOW Wednesday: Nadia Kilrick

Hi guys and girls! Welcome to WOW Wednesday. My 8th guest is Nadia Kilrick, author of 
Ziggy Returns: A Short Tale. This spooky and entertaining ghost story is on sale right now for 99c/75p. What's it all about, I hear you ask? Well, read on to find out more 
about the novel and this talented writer...


A hysterical laugh followed by a snort filled the air. "You don't recognize your own husband's voice, Minna? How soon you forget."
Remorse and forgiveness sometimes come too late. Ziggy has to have the last word, even if it means going home after death. Will Minna ever free herself from her husband's ghost?

About Ziggy Returns

Minna Fuller finds herself in an odd predicament when her moonshine-guzzling husband carelessly causes an accident that changes both their lives. Though relieved to have her life back, she would never have wished death on him. Being a man who always had to have the last word, Ziggy returns to their home to instruct Minna on how she should live the remainder of her life by offering a suggestion she finds far-reaching, even for him. Will Minna be able to rid her home of her husband’s ghost and finally get on with her life? Will she accept his blessing and set on the path he envisions her taking, or will she ignore him and the advice of her friends?

Book links


Review snippets (all 5 stars on Amazon)

“This short story has it all... a scoundrel of a husband... moonshine... a mistress... an innocent love triangle... 
a remorseful ghost... and lots of funeral casseroles... what more could a southern girl need? I was immediately drawn in by Nadia Kilrick's comfortable writing style. The characters were both engaging and believable, 
making Ziggy Returns an enjoyable way to spend a rainy Saturday afternoon.”
Jane Cowart

“Nadia Kilrick kept me glued to the pages as her story unfolded. I could picture each scene as if I was right 
there with Minna Fuller. The characters were so real I truly sympathized with her plight in life.
Very entertaining reading, from the first page to the last!”
Pat Bennett

“It was spooky, funny, a tad bit sad and very entertaining the whole way through. I will definitely 
be looking for more stories from Nadia Kirick in the future. Her writing flows and in the middle of 
turmoil she can make you snicker.”
Theresa L Myrick

All about Nadia

Nadia Kilrick is a Florida native who finds tranquillity in the simple life of the Deep South. She believes there is no better place to contemplate life’s journey than sitting beside a slow moving creek shaded by mighty moss-draped oaks. It is there that dreams burst free from within the chasms of the human heart.

Nadia has written fiction since childhood. Her busy life and raising a family slowed the progress of her writing for two decades. When her children moved away, she began writing articles for the web. Nadia’s passion for fiction writing quietly stirred while creating articles related to gardening, family, self-sufficiency and do-it-yourself projects. Now she writes fiction full-time. When writing, thriller, suspense/mystery and paranormal are her favourite genres. When reading, she reaches for psychological thrillers, true crime, mystery/suspense, horror, paranormal, western and historical fiction.

Nadia is pleased to announce her debut short story, Ziggy Returns: A Short Tale, has been published by Master Koda Select Publishing and is now available on Amazon.com. Rough Hewn: People of Kilmservy Village, the first in her psychological thriller trilogy, will be released with MKSP in September 2013.

Where to connect with Nadia


Thanks for reading - look out for another WOW writer next Wednesday!
Happy reading & writing! :) 

Tuesday, 19 February 2013

Romance is in the Air Giveaway Winners




Congratulations to the following winners, who were picked by random by Rafflecopter.

Overall winner, Kt Amanda, wins a paperback copy of 3 Heads & a Tail and the five runners-up win an ebook version.

Congratulations to the runners-up -

Erma Hurtt
Rebecca Sweeney Graf
Meghan Stith
Sheesha Robinson
Terri Shaw

I'll be emailing you shortly! :)))
Thanks so much for taking part. Have a lovely day! :)


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Friday, 1 February 2013

New review for Kiwi in Cat City

Got a great new review for Kiwi in Cat City today! Purrs :)
Thanks Amelia!!!



5.0 out of 5 stars A Delight for Cat Lovers, January 31, 2013
This review is from: Kiwi in Cat City (Kiwi series) (Kindle Edition)
Kiwi in Cat City is about a little girl called Amy, her brother James and their cat Kiwi. After waking one night and seeing Kiwi leap out of the window, Amy rouses James to go with her to follow Kiwi to see where she goes and what she does at night.
Kiwi, who spots them tailing her, turns around and addresses them in their own human speak and subsequently invites them along on her nocturnal journey. After getting over the shock of hearing their cat talking to them, both children decide to do just that and tag along. Then, an even more surprising thing happens as they both turn onto cats themselves.
This book is beautifully written, with a great poetic prologue, and heaps of action, intrigue and fun. Ms. Johnstone's vivid imagination does her a great deal of credit. I am also assuming, by the not entirely complete ending, that another book will be following soon, which I look forward to reading as well. This is a great book for all ages.

Wednesday, 9 January 2013

Welcome to the New Year's Hop!

http://nyhop.blogspot.co.uk

I'm excited to be involved in Indie Authors Unite's New Year's Hop, which starts on Friday 11 January.

Welcome to my stop on the hop. What can you win here?

I'm giving away 1 paperback and 3 ebook copies of my comedy romance, 3 Heads & a Tail. If you're not into romance, don't turn away yet. It's not your regular romance. It's more of a comedy fantasy or a comedy of errors. I wrote this book for NaNoWriMo 2011, so it's a bit off the wall. There are four main characters, one of which is a Golden Retriever, and he plays a big part in this book. He's the hero really, and you'll get to see inside his head and find out his doggie thoughts. 
http://tinyurl.com/agdj4ba
What's the story about?

When nature lover Josie moves into a house share with two pals, dreamer Ben and model man David, she sees it as a short stop and doesn't bank on an attraction developing with one of them. Meanwhile, Ben's dog, Glen, has the hots for Miss Posh, the beautiful golden Lab in the park. When dog meets dog it's puppy love, but a complication leads to Glen taking matters into his own paws and walking a very dangerous path. In this comedy of errors, romance and walkies, it's anyone's guess who is going to win the girl/dog and live happily ever after.

What say the reviewers? Here are some snippets...

Ey Wade - "Oh my gosh this is a funny book. I hate to harp on the topic of how the dog made the story, but I think he did. I know for sure I will forever look at my own dog and wonder what she is thinking."

Annarita Guarnieri - "A humorous love story of a different kind, mostly seen through the eyes of Glen, the tail owner, and written with unusual wittiness and ability."

Donna Brown - "Laugh out loud funny."

PDX author - "Until reading this humorous tale about relationships between characters that tend towards being shy, my favorite animal character was "Buck", featured in Jack London's "Call of the Wild." 

How can you win a copy? 

Just leave me a comment - tell me one of the silliest things you've ever done! Or one of the silliest you'd like to do...


Click on the link below to get back to the main New Year's Blog Hop website where you can win these cool prizes -

A Kindle Fire ($299 value)
$100 Amazon voucher
15 signed paperbacks
30 ebooks

Here's the link - http://nyhop.blogspot.co.uk/

Good luck! :)

Don't forget to hop off to the other blogs on the hop to check out the books and giveaways of the other writers in the Indie Authors Unite hop. There are some cracking reads to be found. 

Thanks for reading and a big Happy New Year to you ! :)

Friday, 7 December 2012

All Pets Want For Christmas Blog Hop - 8 Dec

 Welcome to the All Pets Want For Christmas Hop!

First of all, I’d like to thank the Indie Exchange, Donna Brown and Coral Russell for making this fun event happen. David M Brown and me are sponsoring the event. We've both written books about our furry friends. Mine are the Kiwi Series and 3 Heads & a Tail. David has just published a funny book called Man vs Cat - look out for it! 

Don’t forget to check out the other participants and enter the prize draw to win a $50 Amazon gift card. Yep, you can buy a lot of cat food with that! You'll find both things at the bottom of my post.



My pet is a cute thirteen-year-old, black and white cat called Moggie. I’ve had her since she was small enough to fit in my hand. I got Moggie and her brother, Kurt, who is no longer with us (sigh), in a charity pet shop. I had recently lost my kitty, called Kiwi, and was looking to take in an adult cat. The woman in the shop showed me a brown, two-year-old boy. I’d never had a tomcat (apart from when I was growing up in my parent’s house, which we will just called The Johnstone Zoo, as it was overrun by fur, fins and feathers!), so I was umm-ing and ahh-ing when I heard a really loud meow.

Turning, I spotted a cage which the lady of the shop hadn’t shown me. Expecting to see something big to match the big voice, I came face to furry face (that one’s not mine) with the tiniest kitten. She was so wee - all ears and meow. Her brother was sitting down quietly, but this little kitty, well, she really wasn't going to let me go without her. That was it. Love at first sight with the both of them. Home they came. I remember letting them out of the carry box, and while Kurt was a bit slow and wary, Moggie charged out like a bullet from a gun. She then did loads of laps of the room, purring her head off. It sounded like a choo-choo train. Now, thirteen years later, when she wants something, that big meow brings back memories.

So what would Moggie like for Christmas? With a meow that big,
it wasn’t going to be one item. She made a list!

Dear Santa Kitty...

1. Please make my owner’s laptop self-destruct. Vickie spends far too much time with it on her lap. I can’t see the fascination. It’s ugly, made of metal and cold, whereas I am fluffy and lovely. Her lap is my seat – I am the cat of the house. Therefore the laptop must die.

2. I want all spiders in the house to be directed towards me. I like swatting and eating them. They are a fine source of protein and Vickie is scared of them anyway, so she won’t mind. She told me off as a kitten for bringing a mouse home, so they are safe, but spiddies are mine.

3. Please can you put more shoes in the hallway. I love sleeping on these and leaving my fur behind so that my owners will think of me every time they slip their feet inside. Three more extra pairs would be good. Please make them soft and bendable, but not so they lose shape. My owner pulls a face when that happens.

4. Please can you build a little bird village in the back garden so that I can watch more of my feathered friends. I don’t want to hunt them, you see, I just want to watch. I like them. I know that’s weird, but I guess I’m different. Just call me Moggie Bird Watcher.

5. Please sort it so that my owners can only watch David Attenborough documentaries on TV, starring lots and lots of animals. More birds please and fish. But no dogs. Ever. I don't know why, but Vickie wrote a book starring a talking dog. It's called 3 Heads & a Tail. Please ban it. No one wants to get inside the mind of a dog. Shiver!

6. Please can you arrange it so that the Whiskas advert they made for cats comes back on TV. I’ve never been so excited in my life – all those jiggly toys, purrs and stuff. Ahhh.

7. I would like my own bed. I’m not talking about a little cat bed with furry pink bits. No, I mean a big, king-size double bed with a fluffy duvet and big, squishy pillows. Water bed? No, that’s plain silly. And can I have a hot blanket too.

8. I would like everyone in the world to read Kiwi in Cat City and the other books in the series. Kiwi is the cat that Vickie used to have before me, and she loved her very, very much, so she wrote a book about her. Also, I’m in the second book in the series. Vickie made me Kiwi’s mum in the books. My nickname in the series is ‘Moody Moggie’, but I’m not. Not at all, honest. And the book is set in a world of cats. Please Kitty Santa, let me visit there! Please!

9. I would like a very big turkey for Christmas. No, I don’t mean some idiot guy who can’t tell jokes, but a really large, cooked, mouth-watering turkey. Not too well done. And rice pudding please.

10. I would like my own personal stroker, who will caress and cuddle me whenever my owners are not around, including when they leave me for a few minutes to go to the toilet. It’s too long!

11. I would like my own personal cat dietician. Iams is getting boring. I understand that it improved my teeth and stopped me dribbling like a loony, settled my stomach so I didn’t do eggy farts, and made my fur shine, but still...

12. Please ban fleas. I don’t care where they are banned to. Just get rid of them. Now! Sorry, I hope that didn’t make me sound moody. I just don’t want any more Frontline. It turns me into Cat Zombie!

13. Please make worming tablets taste nice. I could win cat gurning competitions whenever I eat one. Imagine. I don’t look pleasant.

14. Please can you ban thermometers at the vets? Really, do I need to explain why? Do you know where they stick those ice-cold things?

15. I want more attention. Full stop.

Kitty thanks,
Your favourite cat, Moggie.
Yes, I’m crossing my paws behind my back. The saucers of Iams and water are gifts for you. You can even have a go on my scratching post or sleep on the shoes.


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Sunday, 18 November 2012

Sample Sunday: 3 Heads & a Tail

I haven't done one of these in ages, so, for Sample Sunday, here is a snippet from 3 Heads & a Tail. Cheers, Vickie

When nature lover Josie moves into a house share with two pals, dreamer Ben and model man David, she sees it as a short stop and doesn't bank on an attraction developing with one of them. Meanwhile, Ben's dog, Glen, has the hots for Miss Posh, the beautiful golden Lab in the park. When dog meets dog it's puppy love, but a complication leads to Glen taking matters into his own paws. In this comedy of errors, romance and walkies, it's anyone's guess who is going to win the girl/dog and live happily ever after.

Chapter 1 
Two bicycles sped past, their riders laughing, on this humid summer’s day. The green leaves of the trees sparkled as the sun’s rays caught the last tiny droplets of the morning shower. Luckily, it had stopped drizzling just before the van turned up. Josie liked moving, never staying in one place for longer than a year usually. She loved change; it had freshness to it.
Like a rolling stone that gathers no moss, she liked to keep on moving, even if it meant wading through the odd quagmire at times. Her sense of adventure maintained her momentum. Josie smiled, remembering how her mother used to joke that she should have been born a gypsy and spent her life wandering the world; or at least she could buy a little pony and a wagon, and just keep on rolling those wheels. 
Ugh, this box was a bit on the heavy side. If only she could remember what was packed inside. Still, it didn’t say ‘fragile’ so maybe it wouldn’t matter if this one tumbled to the ground. Josie stumbled up the stone steps to the front door. Before she had time to work out how to press the doorbell, the bright green door yawned open. The doorman yawned even wider.
“Hi-ya!” he said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.
He looked younger than she had imagined when they spoke on the phone. She guessed he was about her own age. Average looking, slim, dirty blonde hair tied back and brown, enquiring eyes. He wore a crumpled green T-shirt, emblazoned with a faded elephant, dark blue sweatpants and socks; no shoes. He seemed slightly shy by the way he looked over her shoulder, instead of meeting her gaze.
She gave her new housemate a big smile. “Hi, I’m Josie!”
“You’re early,” he replied. “But that’s cool. I’m Ben. Well, I guess you know that from our phone calls!” He held out his hand and then laughed at his silliness. “Of course, you can’t actually shake my hand!”
“I would if I could, but can I put this down first please? It’s so heavy!”
“Oh! Of course!” Ben leapt out of the way. Then he came to his senses. “Let me take it!”
“Thanks,” said Josie, as Ben took the box and nodded shyly, before backing down the hallway. Nice guy, she thought, as she wandered back down to the van.
“Well he looks a bit of alright,” trilled Kay, who was leaning against the side of the vehicle with her arms crossed. “He had that just-got-out-of-bed look!”
“Don’t think you’re going to drag him back there! We’ve got work to do, right here!”
“Okay, slave driver! You can’t blame a girl for looking, especially a single one!”
Josie laughed. “The whole wide world knows you’re single!”
Kay had broken up with her boyfriend of perhaps a decade – well it seemed that long – only a few months ago and she was like a new woman. A whole new woman; one with push-up bras, short skirts that resembled belts, more make-up than Boots and a new-found passion for life. They had been friends a long time. If Josie was ever in trouble, Kay was the one she’d call, without a doubt.
“What box is next?” called Ben, bouncing down the steps. “Glen is in my room where he can’t get in the way!” He had put on some trainers and a pair of glasses, which made him look more serious.
“Who’s Glen?” asked Kay, raising an eyebrow.
“Ha! He’s not your type!” replied Josie. “He’s a bit on the hairy side, dribbles and snores, according to Ben!”
“Oh,” pouted Kay. “Maybe I can persuade him to shave!”
Ben grinned, his eyes squinting slightly in the sun. Josie caught his grin and smiled back, conspiratorially.
“Let’s get you unloaded,” said Ben, sweeping up a box from the back of the van.
“Mmm,” whispered Kay, nudging her friend. “He can unload me any time!”
“Come on!” sighed Josie. “You’re just... anything with testosterone!”
Kay pouted as they carried the boxes up the steps and into the three-storey building. On the ground floor was a small kitchen, painted blue. They peeked inside as they walked past and a rich aroma of freshly made coffee swept past their noses. Next to it was a big lounge and a huge storage cupboard. Up the green-carpeted stairs and past some pictures of leaping dolphins, they arrived on the second floor, where Josie’s and Ben’s rooms were at opposite ends. The bathroom, pink and fresh, sat in the middle.
To the side, the stairs carried on upwards towards an attic room, which was closed with a hatch-like door. That was the room of the third housemate whom Josie hadn’t spoken to. Apparently, whoever it was had gone to the same university as Ben and they had been friends ever since.
“I’m glad to put that down!” gasped Josie, placing the heavy box on the steadily accumulating pyramid in the corner of her new room.
She glanced around at the bare walls, painted a dusky purple, and remembered that Ben had asked what her favourite colour was – purple! Had he painted it? No, it must have already been that way! On the white carpet sat a pine bookcase, a tall wardrobe, a chest of drawers and a double bed. A round, see-through ball perched on the light fitting above her head, but it wasn’t necessary. Bright sunlight cascaded through the window, washing a yellow glaze over everything. She smiled to herself. It was going to be cosy and warm in here.
“Get with it, lazy bones,” said Kay, staggering in behind her with two boxes.
“Okay, strong man!” joked Josie, backing out of the door. “Ooh, check out your big muscles!”
“So you noticed?” asked a voice from above.
“Oh!” Josie jumped and turned round with a gasp.
The hatch above the stairs was open and a face with a rather broad grin stared out. It was also a rather attractive face. The words airbrushed and Photoshopped sprung to mind. He just had to be. No one was that perfect.
“Whoa,” whispered Kay, stepping out of the room. Josie went the colour of beetroot. She could have kicked herself.
“I’m David,” said Mr Model Man, sauntering down the stairs. He flicked the dark hair out of his dark eyes. His blue jeans looked sprayed on, to Kay’s admiration, and the definitive lines of a six-pack rippled beneath the thin material of his T-shirt. Both of the girls stood transfixed. It was like some aftershave advert on TV. A truckload of cheesiness, rubbish music, a glitter ball and smoky lighting was meant to accompany this entrance.
“Nice to meet you, ladies,” he drawled, giving a slow-motion smile that didn’t seem to have an end. He stopped right in front of them, inches from their faces. Kay tried to lift her eyes from his chest, but found they were stuck, rooted to the spot. Josie sighed and concentrated on not going red again. This was going to be her housemate. This was going to be her housemate?!
“I see you’ve met,” said Ben, appearing at the top of the stairs, armed with a couple of huge black sacks.
“I’m Josie – I’m moving in today,” she announced, determined not to meet Ben’s eyes in case her face turned into a tomato again. Kay was grinning inanely, frozen to the spot like a rabbit dazed by headlights.
“How can I help?” asked David, stroking his hair back again and leaning an arm on the wall. Kay’s eyes trailed along his bicep. She shivered in the breeze of testosterone.
“You can start by taking some of the boxes out of the van, you big oaf!” replied Ben, taking the sacks into Josie’s room.
“Ay-ay!” laughed David, pretending to salute him. The girls giggled.
Ben put the sacks down. He could have guessed that his friend would work his usual charismatic magic within seconds, and he had... yet again! Ben sighed to himself, straightened his back and clicked his hands together. This always happened. Girls would suddenly turn to jelly, trip over, go giggly, walk into inanimate objects – and even animate ones – as soon as David made an appearance. Ben used to wonder if David had done some amazing thing in a past life and karma was now rewarding him triple time, or perhaps he had a painting in the attic that was fast becoming ugly.
Ben pushed his glasses back on his nose and walked out of the room. The others had already returned to the van to gather more things. He imagined David posing, flexing his muscles as he lifted boxes. Oh well, that’s life! He hoped Glen wasn’t too bored, sitting in his room on his own. Ben had left the TV on for him.
Chapter 2 
Half an hour later, they had finished bringing everything in and were standing in the kitchen sipping mugs of steaming coffee. Josie wrapped her hands around her mug and smelt it, drawing in the relaxing aroma.
“Where were you living before?” asked David, flicking his hair.
“With me!” said Kay, before Josie could answer. “I broke up with my boyfriend and she moved in for a while, but then I had to move somewhere smaller when the flat sold, so I’m living on my own now.”
“And you decided to come here,” finished David.
“Yep, that’s about it,” smiled Josie. “We were good flatmates though.”
“Sure were,” said Kay, moving slightly nearer to her prey. “But now I have my own place, all to myself!”
“Is it nearby?” asked Ben, glancing at David, who looked disinterested in Kay’s blatant flirting.
Kay didn’t break her gaze, which was fixed on Mr Model. “It’s not far. Maybe you could pop round for coffee some time and I can return the favour?”
But it was me who made the damn coffee, thought Ben. Jesus.
Josie smiled at Kay’s directness. That was something Josie always had a problem with, getting straight to the point, but then a lot of the time she had no idea what the point was. The real point that is, which seemed to change with the whims and tides of the day. In fact, what was the point of most things?
“You seem deep in thought,” observed Ben.
“I was just thinking,” said Josie, glancing at Kay, who was telling David about the supremely amazing cookies she could make – if he came round for coffee that is. “I was wondering about the real point of most things.”
“How do you mean?”
“Well, you know, sometimes you just do things not thinking about the point, and they’re cool. Other times you think too much about the point of something and you can burn it out by thinking...”
“...that it has a real point?” finished Ben, cupping his coffee.
“Exactly,” smiled Josie. “I think you can overanalyse things. Maybe it’s best not to think of the point, and just jump in and do it, and to hell with the point.”
As she said the words, they both looked at Kay, who seemed to have David almost pinned up against the wall. They were talking very intently, or rather she was talking intently and he was kind of wriggling to escape.
“You see my point?” asked Josie, sighing.
“I do! But I’m not sure he’s seeing it.”
Josie giggled. “And she’s seen it far too often!”
Ben laughed and put his coffee mug down.
“What’s so funny?” asked Kay.
“Nothing,” said Josie, biting her lip.
 “Well, do you want to meet Glen, our fourth housemate?” asked Ben, winking at Josie.
“Sure do,” said Kay. “I want to see this big, hairy guy. I bet he doesn’t snore!”
Josie laughed. David looked confused, but managed to flick his hair back neatly anyway. She noticed how the guy didn’t have a single flaw or wrinkle on his face. Maybe he was some kind of beautiful android that had travelled back in time. Some crazy old scientist somewhere was now looking for his long-lost dream project...
“Hey, dreamer!” called David. “Are you coming?”
“Oops, yes,” said Josie. “Daydreaming is my favourite pastime. You’ll get used to it!”
Josie swept out of the room behind David and up the stairs. Ben and Kay were waiting. Kay adjusted her skirt and pouted her lips. Josie smiled. That effort was sure going to be wasted on Glen! Her friend was so man crazy all of a sudden. The brave explorer of Testosterone Mountain – never to be defeated, she would climb every...
“This is Glen!” announced Ben, opening the door to his room. It swung back, revealing two big brown eyes, two soft and erect ears, and a goofy grin. Glen didn’t need to be announced twice. He bounced out of the room and straight into Kay. Up he went on his hind legs and out popped his glistening tongue in a friendly attempt to lick her face.
Josie grinned. “Hope you put your best lippy on!”
“Ooh, you trickster!” sighed Kay.
David emitted a deep-throated, sexy laugh. Josie tried to ignore it and focused on stroking the animal – that animal! Stroke it, she told herself, and don’t even think about the sexiness of his laugh. She didn’t dare look at Kay because she knew her friend was thinking the exact same thing and she would go as red as a beetroot.
“I think he really likes you too!” said Ben, unaware of the sparks of sexual electricity pinging round the room. “Sometimes Glen’s a bit too friendly and he can be a bit much for some people. He’s just enthusiastic.”
“He’s lovely!” said Josie, and this time she really was focusing on Glen.
“Right,” said David. “It was nice to meet you two. I’m off to make some music, so I’ll catch you later.”
If only he was making music with me, thought Kay, watching the departure of David’s perfect bum in his perfect jeans. She had goose bumps.
“Bye,” said Josie, not looking up from the dog. He was so soft. His big eyes were really brown and dreamy.
“Think you’ve found a new friend,” said Ben.
Josie was pretty sure she had found two new ones. She had a feeling that she was going to be really good mates with Ben. He seemed really easy to talk to.

Glen

Humpf! I thought he was never going to open that door! I thought I was going to be locked in there all night, running around and chasing my tail. That gets boring after ten minutes. If only he’d left a stick and his room was the size of a football ground – now that would have been a fun-packed afternoon.
Josie seems nice. She was stroking me for a long time. Though I thought my eyes were going to pop out when Kay kept patting my head over and over again. Something tells me she was not expecting a four-legged fellow. But it was voofing funny seeing the look on her face when I tried to lick it!
I bet Ben likes Josie. He always likes the sweet, pretty girls. But why has she got red hair? It doesn’t look real. I like her big green eyes. She looks like a dreamer and Ben is definitely one of those. He dreams too much for his own good, but he’s a good soul. Ah, I could see that Josie didn’t want to turn round when David said goodbye. Maybe that’s not so good. Voofing not good. If she likes him, that’s not good at all. Anyone but him! “Voof!”
Right, that’s my dinner finished. I always have my big thoughts when I’m eating. Ben says he thinks in the shower – I wonder what that’s like. A big doggy bath, maybe? Water from the sky! Think I’d prefer the river. It smells better. And you get to shake it, really shake it – shake that water off, baby. “Voof, voof.”
“Are you still hungry, Glen?”
Ben’s staring at me. He’s always worrying if I’m eating enough. “Voof”, I say. I try to smile, but it probably doesn’t look like one. Probably makes me look a bit goofy and weird. “Voof,” yep, I’m okay. I’m doggy okay. I wag my tail. Ben likes that. Now he’s smiling. I’ll just wag it again. Whoa, I like it too. Waggy, waggy, waggy. Look at my bum go!
“Ready for walkies?” he asks.
Ah, the magic word! Now I’ve got to muster up as much enthusiasm as possible for this so he doesn’t change his mind. “Voof voof voof!” Now for a quick chase around of my tail and that should do it. Wooosh. Wooosh. “Voof voof.” Oops, now I feel a bit dizzy. Dizzy doggy. “Voof.”
“Come on, you old thing,” he says, bending down so his face is right in front of mine. I don’t mind. Ben is great and I seem to make him really happy by doing the smallest things. “Voof.” He grins. See what I mean? But, less of the old, I’m not old. I’m six. That’s okay for a doggy. I’m still fit. I think. I hope.
“Come on, let’s go to the park,” says Ben, opening the front door.
Ah, the magic words! I speed down the steps, my ears flapping in the breeze, all of the lady doggies looking my way – in my head. In reality, I walk slowly down the steps, side by side with Ben, who is gripping on to the lead like I’m going to rush off and send us flying into a tree like I’m riding some magical skateboard. There was one in that film, Back to the Future. Now I know I’m just a dog, but I really fancy myself riding one of those – whoosh I’d go, and I definitely wouldn’t hit that tree.
Pad, pad, pad down the street, avoiding the small piles of other doggy doo doo. Yikes. “Voof.” Some dogs like the smell of it, but not me. Does that make me a strange doggy? Am I weird? Ben, I really don’t wanna sniff it! Too close, too close, toooo close! Ah, a near miss! I just avoided that one. But the smell, yikes! Doggie, what are you eating to do doo doo like you do?
“Come on boy, what a lovely day,” says Ben, looking down at me.
“Voof.” I look up and smile. Well, you know the score by now, I do a goofy kind of smile. Don’t know what I look like when I’m doing this because I’ve never seen myself doing it in one of those mirrors...  they really scare me, mirrors. Like, is that really me? I know it’s meant to be me, but are you sure it’s not just another dog? A big dog – one with some crazy, problematic grinning action going on! It beats me. Who invented mirrors anyway? They’re just confusing.
Now we’re heading into the park. Heading, heading... Yep, we’re in the park. I love the smell of those flowers and the trees. Ah, I could stay here all day, but I count my pleasures here by the hour. It’s the best part of my day – my walkies with Ben.
“Voof.” See, he’s smiling again because he knows I love it here. I hope he brought the Frisbee. Oh, no, he didn’t bring it! “Grrrr.” Sorry Ben, I’m not angry, really. Don’t look at me sadly. “Voof Voof,” wag, wag. Now I’m totally overdoing my enthusiasm. I hear bees. Buzz buzz. Ah, not so close. Get away! Good bees. Yikes! “Voof.”
Ah, now we’re talking. Looky, lady doggy, look at her! She’s here every time I come here. She’s a golden Labrador, just like me, but I think she’s a bit younger, maybe four, and so much better looking! So much! Ah, off she goes – every time, every single time, she just walks on by, never noticing. Her owner looks a bit of a hippy girl. Wonder what Ben thinks. Ah, he’s staring. He must like the hippy girl. Wonder why she never notices me? We’re both golden labs. We’re the best dogs around. “Voof!” Nope. She didn’t even blink. I’ll try a bit louder – “Voof!” Not even one ear perked. Off she goes. Guess I’ll have to live with that beautiful memory until tomorrow.
“You okay, boy?” Ben asks, bending down again. He gives me a tickle under the chin. I love those tickles! As long as she didn’t see! Not too doggy manly!
“Do you want to go home, Glen?”
No, no, nooo! “Voof, voof, voof!” I start chasing my tail again in some crazy circle, which makes me feel slightly woozy, but it works because he’s smiling again and letting me off the lead for a run. Cool!
Whoosh! I’m off, hurtling across the grass as fast as my paws can carry me, but not in her direction. No way. That would make me a doggy stalker and I’m not one of those. I’m not desperate and I’m running. Freedom! I’m running with the breeze lifting my ears, my tongue hanging stupidly out of my mouth and my tail whirling in funny circles behind me. Doggy cool!


Copyright Vickie Johnstone. Published on Amazon, Smashwords and all of the usual places.


Tuesday, 23 October 2012

Spooktacular Giveaway Hop: 24-31 October

Welcome to my stop on the Spooktacular giveaway hop,
hosted by
I Am A Reader, Not a Writer & The Diary of a Bookworm!



So, to get into the mood of pumpkins, witches, ghosties and things that go bump in the night, I'm giving away 3 ebook copies of each of my books that has a spooky element or is set on Halloween.

To enter, simply do your stuff on the Rafflecopter!
Afterwards, click on the linky to hop to over 400 blogs offering fantastic giveaways!
Have fun and happy spookiness! :) woo-hoo!




The trio of ebooks you can win are:

Kiwi and the Living Nightmare

Book 3 in the Kiwi Series, but can be read as a standalone book

Amy, James and Kiwi embark on their spookiest adventure yet - on Halloween. What begins with an eerie dream about a three-legged cat will take the budding detectives on a quest to find an old house in the middle of the woods, meeting some familiar characters and some perky squirrels along the way. Little do they know that there awaits an angry, restless ghost that will do anything to stop them leaving.  

Day of the Living Pizza

Detective Smarts of Crazy Name Town has a problem. Doctor Boring and his receptionist have been bumped off, and the only clues at the scene are some olives, tomatoes, mushrooms and sprinkles of oregano. With the town folk dropping like flies and strange figures stumbling down the streets, Officer Dewdrop has an idea.

Day of the Pesky Shadow

After his previous oregano-sprinkled adventure, Detective Smarts is still finding it hard to look at a pizza, never mind eat one. But there is a new mindboggler to solve - who is the mysterious, dark figure causing the townsfolk's legs to go wibbly wobbly? Smarts and sidekick Dewdrop are hot on the trail.

To enter, click on the Rafflecopter and be sure to answer the mandatory question as a comment on my blog...

Spooky!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Discover Fantasy Tour: book review





Today I’m reviewing Magnus Opum by Jonathan Gould,
as part of the Discover Fantasy Tour.

What is the Discover Fantasy Tour? Well, during the month of July, three authors are aiming to show that fantasy can offer something for everyone, be it humour, romance, adventure or just a darn good story. To find out more about Jonathan Gould,
 David M Brown and Jeremy Rodden, head over to the tour website for a little bit
of what you might fancy: http://discoverfantasy.com/


Magnus Opum by Jonathan Gould

I’ve read two of Jonathan Gould’s other books, Doodling and Flidderbugs, and Magnus Opum is just as magical – and fun.

I was wondering about that title, so I just had to go Google... Magnum opus comes from ‘great work’ and refers to the largest or greatest, most renowned achievement of a writer, artist, composer or craftsman.  Meanwhile, ‘opum’ is the plural of the Latin ‘ops’, meaning resources, wealth and food. So, perhaps the title could mean something like great resources... or great food! So, there you go...

Our story begins in Lower Kertoob, which is inhabited by the Kertoobis, who have a healthy obsession with baking the very, very best, most perfect pflugberries. In this place, life is simple and safe, and simplicity reigns unless you get an attack of the dreaded Grompets – that itch in your foot to travel – which is feared as some kind of degenerative disease to be sprinted away from. This is what happens to Jango, the brother of our not-too-confident hero, Magnus Mandalora, and there begins an adventure.

There are many well imagined places here, from the sacred old battlefield of Ferelshine to eerie Krondeep forest, the colourful world of the Parsheeth and the beauty of Sweet Harmody. Over everything hangs the threat of the Glurgs – even their name sounds like the flush of a dirty toilet. There are some amusing side adventures; one with something called a Blerchherchh, and it has nothing to do with burping or anything worse!

The story follows Magnus as he tries to do the right thing while seeking the truth of what happened to his brother. But, things aren’t always what they seem in this world, as he discovers. The author writes: “What was he to do in a world that had turned as topsy-turvy as the plumiferous grousehen that walked on its head and sang through its feet?”

The story skips merrily along. The style of writing is easy to read and whizzes along happily. The tale is a fun one, told with confidence, and full of hilarity. I loved the silly names of everything – well, they are damn silly!

Many themes run through the book. Tharella the beautiful, tells us, “Everyone has their own gift. They just need to know where to look in order to find it.” This is a major theme, along with the idea of what is beautiful and what is ugly? External attributes are compared with internal ones. Assumptions and preconceptions are thrown up (no, that wasn’t the Blerchherchh) against reality. Gossip, represented by the Doosies (whose physical attributes match their personal ones), is compared to the truth. And then there is power – is it used for the general good or to corrupt?

I enjoyed the characters of Magnus and Shaindor, the polite, dashing and blue-eyed swordsman with a penchant for song. But my favourite character of all is Klugrok, who I found hilarious. The family welcome from Klugrok, Kruperke and the Glurglets is brilliant, and one of my favourite parts. To steal some of his words, pick up this book, enjoy it, and “may your dreams be dark and yucky”.

Links:









Sunday, 15 July 2012

Sample Sunday: excerpt from 3 Heads & A Tail


Hi, a big lazy Sunday to ya! I'm sitting here with a cup of tea, and a bowl of bananas and custard - deja vu to my childhood I guess, without the tea! Maybe just milk and a cookie then?

Today's Sample Sunday is an excerpt from my new book, 3 Heads & A Tail, which has just been published by Inknbeans Press. I wrote it for NaNoWriMo 2011, which was my first NaNo and tough! A big kick up the butt to write though! The result is this comedy romance with walkies! 


Book blurb:


When nature lover Josie moves into a house share with two pals, dreamer Ben and model man David, she sees it as a short stop and doesn't bank on an attraction developing with one of them. Meanwhile, Ben's dog, Glen, has the hots for Miss Posh, the beautiful golden Lab in the park. When dog meets dog it's puppy love, but a complication leads to Glen taking matters into his own paws. In this comedy of errors, romance and walkies, it's anyone's guess who is going to get the girl/dog and live happily ever after.


The book is currently available on Amazon UK and US.
http://www.amazon.com/3-Heads-A-Tail-ebook/dp/B008FRHCCO/ref=sr_1_5?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1342372962&sr=1-5&keywords=vickie+johnstone




Excerpt...

Chapter 2

Half an hour later, they had finished bringing everything in and were standing in the kitchen sipping mugs of steaming coffee. Josie wrapped her hands around her mug and smelt it, drawing in the relaxing aroma.
“Where were you living before?” asked David, flicking his hair.
“With me!” said Kay, before Josie could answer. “I broke up with my boyfriend and she moved in for a while, but then I had to move somewhere smaller when the flat sold, so I’m living on my own now.”
“And you decided to come here,” finished David.
“Yep, that’s about it,” smiled Josie. “We were good flatmates though.”
“Sure were,” said Kay, moving slightly nearer to her prey. “But now I have my own place, all to myself!”
“Is it nearby?” asked Ben, glancing at David, who looked disinterested in Kay’s blatant flirting.
Kay didn’t break her gaze, which was fixed on Mr Model. “It’s not far. Maybe you could pop round for coffee some time and I can return the favour?”
But it was me who made the damn coffee, thought Ben. Jesus.
Josie smiled at Kay’s directness. That was something Josie always had a problem with, getting straight to the point, but then a lot of the time she had no idea what the point was. The real point that is, which seemed to change with the whims and tides of the day. In fact, what was the point of most things?
“You seem deep in thought,” observed Ben.
“I was just thinking,” said Josie, glancing at Kay, who was telling David about the supremely amazing cookies she could make – if he came round for coffee that is. “I was wondering about the real point of most things.”
“How do you mean?”
“Well, you know, sometimes you just do things not thinking about the point, and they’re cool. Other times you think too much about the point of something and you can burn it out by thinking...”
“...that it has a real point?” finished Ben, cupping his coffee.
“Exactly,” smiled Josie. “I think you can overanalyse things. Maybe it’s best not to think of the point, and just jump in and do it, and to hell with the point.”
As she said the words, they both looked at Kay, who seemed to have David almost pinned up against the wall. They were talking very intently, or rather she was talking intently and he was kind of wriggling to escape.
“You see my point?” asked Josie, sighing.
“I do! But I’m not sure he’s seeing it.”
Josie giggled. “And she’s seen it far too often!”
Ben laughed and put his coffee mug down.
“What’s so funny?” asked Kay.
“Nothing,” said Josie, biting her lip.
 “Well, do you want to meet Glen, our fourth housemate?” asked Ben, winking at Josie.
“Sure do,” said Kay. “I want to see this big, hairy guy. I bet he doesn’t snore!”
Josie laughed. David looked confused, but managed to flick his hair back neatly anyway. She noticed how the guy didn’t have a single flaw or wrinkle on his face. Maybe he was some kind of beautiful android that had travelled back in time. Some crazy old scientist somewhere was now looking for his long-lost dream project...
“Hey, dreamer!” called David. “Are you coming?”
“Oops, yes,” said Josie. “Daydreaming is my favourite pastime. You’ll get used to it!”
Josie swept out of the room behind David and up the stairs. Ben and Kay were waiting. Kay adjusted her skirt and pouted her lips. Josie smiled. That effort was sure going to be wasted on Glen! Her friend was so man crazy all of a sudden. The brave explorer of Testosterone Mountain – never to be defeated, she would climb every...
“This is Glen!” announced Ben, opening the door to his room. It swung back, revealing two big brown eyes, two soft and erect ears, and a goofy grin. Glen didn’t need to be announced twice. He bounced out of the room and straight into Kay. Up he went on his hind legs and out popped his glistening tongue in a friendly attempt to lick her face.
Josie grinned. “Hope you put your best lippy on!”
“Ooh, you trickster!” sighed Kay.
David emitted a deep-throated, sexy laugh. Josie tried to ignore it and focused on stroking the animal – that animal! Stroke it, she told herself, and don’t even think about the sexiness of his laugh. She didn’t dare look at Kay because she knew her friend was thinking the exact same thing and she would go as red as a beetroot.
“I think he really likes you too!” said Ben, unaware of the sparks of sexual electricity pinging round the room. “Sometimes Glen’s a bit too friendly and he can be a bit much for some people. He’s just enthusiastic.”
“He’s lovely!” said Josie, and this time she really was focusing on Glen.
“Right,” said David. “It was nice to meet you two. I’m off to make some music, so I’ll catch you later.”
If only he was making music with me, thought Kay, watching the departure of David’s perfect bum in his perfect jeans. She had goose bumps.
“Bye,” said Josie, not looking up from the dog. He was so soft. His big eyes were really brown and dreamy.
“Think you’ve found a new friend,” said Ben.
Josie was pretty sure she had found two new ones. She had a feeling that she was going to be really good mates with Ben. He seemed really easy to talk to.


Glen

Humpf! I thought he was never going to open that door! I thought I was going to be locked in there all night, running around and chasing my tail. That gets boring after ten minutes. If only he’d left a stick and his room was the size of a football ground – now that would have been a fun-packed afternoon.
Josie seems nice. She was stroking me for a long time. Though I thought my eyes were going to pop out when Kay kept patting my head over and over again. Something tells me she was not expecting a four-legged fellow. But it was voofing funny seeing the look on her face when I tried to lick it!
I bet Ben likes Josie. He always likes the sweet, pretty girls. But why has she got red hair? It doesn’t look real. I like her big green eyes. She looks like a dreamer and Ben is definitely one of those. He dreams too much for his own good, but he’s a good soul. Ah, I could see that Josie didn’t want to turn round when David said goodbye. Maybe that’s not so good. Voofing not good. If she likes him, that’s not good at all. Anyone but him! “Voof!”
Right, that’s my dinner finished. I always have my big thoughts when I’m eating. Ben says he thinks in the shower – I wonder what that’s like. A big doggy bath, maybe? Water from the sky! Think I’d prefer the river. It smells better. And you get to shake it, really shake it – shake that water off, baby. “Voof, voof.”
“Are you still hungry, Glen?”
Ben’s staring at me. He’s always worrying if I’m eating enough. “Voof”, I say. I try to smile, but it probably doesn’t look like one. Probably makes me look a bit goofy and weird. “Voof,” yep, I’m okay. I’m doggy okay. I wag my tail. Ben likes that. Now he’s smiling. I’ll just wag it again. Whoa, I like it too. Waggy, waggy, waggy. Look at my bum go!
“Ready for walkies?” he asks.
Ah, the magic word! Now I’ve got to muster up as much enthusiasm as possible for this so he doesn’t change his mind. “Voof voof voof!” Now for a quick chase around of my tail and that should do it. Wooosh. Wooosh. “Voof voof.” Oops, now I feel a bit dizzy. Dizzy doggy. “Voof.”
“Come on, you old thing,” he says, bending down so his face is right in front of mine. I don’t mind. Ben is great and I seem to make him really happy by doing the smallest things. “Voof.” He grins. See what I mean? But, less of the old, I’m not old. I’m six. That’s okay for a doggy. I’m still fit. I think. I hope.
“Come on, let’s go to the park,” says Ben, opening the front door.
Ah, the magic words! I speed down the steps, my ears flapping in the breeze, all of the lady doggies looking my way – in my head. In reality, I walk slowly down the steps, side by side with Ben, who is gripping on to the lead like I’m going to rush off and send us flying into a tree like I’m riding some magical skateboard. There was one in that film, Back to the Future. Now I know I’m just a dog, but I really fancy myself riding one of those – whoosh I’d go, and I definitely wouldn’t hit that tree.
Pad, pad, pad down the street, avoiding the small piles of other doggy doo doo. Yikes. “Voof.” Some dogs like the smell of it, but not me. Does that make me a strange doggy? Am I weird? Ben, I really don’t wanna sniff it! Too close, too close, toooo close! Ah, a near miss! I just avoided that one. But the smell, yikes! Doggie, what are you eating to do doo doo like you do?
“Come on boy, what a lovely day,” says Ben, looking down at me.
“Voof.” I look up and smile. Well, you know the score by now, I do a goofy kind of smile. Don’t know what I look like when I’m doing this because I’ve never seen myself doing it in one of those mirrors...  they really scare me, mirrors. Like, is that really me? I know it’s meant to be me, but are you sure it’s not just another dog? A big dog – one with some crazy, problematic grinning action going on! It beats me. Who invented mirrors anyway? They’re just confusing.
Now we’re heading into the park. Heading, heading... Yep, we’re in the park. I love the smell of those flowers and the trees. Ah, I could stay here all day, but I count my pleasures here by the hour. It’s the best part of my day – my walkies with Ben.
“Voof.” See, he’s smiling again because he knows I love it here. I hope he brought the Frisbee. Oh, no, he didn’t bring it! “Grrrr.” Sorry Ben, I’m not angry, really. Don’t look at me sadly. “Voof Voof,” wag, wag. Now I’m totally overdoing my enthusiasm. I hear bees. Buzz buzz. Ah, not so close. Get away! Good bees. Yikes! “Voof.”
Ah, now we’re talking. Looky, lady doggy, look at her! She’s here every time I come here. She’s a golden Labrador, just like me, but I think she’s a bit younger, maybe four, and so much better looking! So much! Ah, off she goes – every time, every single time, she just walks on by, never noticing. Her owner looks a bit of a hippy girl. Wonder what Ben thinks. Ah, he’s staring. He must like the hippy girl. Wonder why she never notices me? We’re both golden labs. We’re the best dogs around. “Voof!” Nope. She didn’t even blink. I’ll try a bit louder – “Voof!” Not even one ear perked. Off she goes. Guess I’ll have to live with that beautiful memory until tomorrow.
“You okay, boy?” Ben asks, bending down again. He gives me a tickle under the chin. I love those tickles! As long as she didn’t see! Not too doggy manly!
“Do you want to go home, Glen?”
No, no, nooo! “Voof, voof, voof!” I start chasing my tail again in some crazy circle, which makes me feel slightly woozy, but it works because he’s smiling again and letting me off the lead for a run. Cool!
Whoosh! I’m off, hurtling across the grass as fast as my paws can carry me, but not in her direction. No way. That would make me a doggy stalker and I’m not one of those. I’m not desperate and I’m running. Freedom! I’m running with the breeze lifting my ears, my tongue hanging stupidly out of my mouth and my tail whirling in funny circles behind me.
Doggy cool!